i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
