evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
