He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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