Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too much gin, very little bucket
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Randomize