Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
