we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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