I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
