I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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