he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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