if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
