I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
