Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'