found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hungover. No words. Just memes.