So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after