If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha