so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries