im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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