so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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