4 words: hood of his car
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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