I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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