I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
