Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
