the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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