I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
