He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
