He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Less talking, more tequila
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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