I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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