I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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