I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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