I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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