My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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