Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
