Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
