I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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