Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
