Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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