you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
