Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
