I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
