Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
