I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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