our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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