Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
