How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
