Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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