I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
