Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
