I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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