dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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