I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my shit smells like andre
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
