First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
