She is in my trunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
