I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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