I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
