You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
