she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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