all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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