foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
