And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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