It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
