hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
