No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
