We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
