Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
