I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
