I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
