:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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