WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
