I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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