I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
