woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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