i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize