No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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